The Haven

Feeling Overwhelmed?

by Jessica Wilkinson

It started out just like any other week-day morning. I got my son off to school, and then went to work. I walked in, greeted my co-workers, then plugged in my laptop and sat down to work. As is my custom, I started at the bottom of the 20 or so new emails that had come in since I had left work the day before, dealing with them in the order that they arrived. About 15 minutes later, I was on my fifth email, and suddenly the anger and frustration became completely overwhelming. The screen started to swim before my eyes as I fought the urge to break into tears and run from the building. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the edge of my desk, fighting to regain control, praying that no one would notice. "Get a grip", I told myself. "You still have a whole day to get through."

So what was the complete tragedy that caused such a complete loss of control? Something threatening my job, my way of life? Some horrible accusation? Some personal tragedy? Nope. It was simply an email from a coworker making a simple request. No big deal. Except that it was one more responsibility added to a list of responsibilities that had become longer than my ability to fulfill. It was simply the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

As the panic ebbed away, discouragement began to pour in to fill the void. "Failure" was the single word that kept running through my mind. "I just can’t do it." I told myself. "I should never have taken this job. I’m just not the right person. I’m letting everyone down. We’re going to miss all of our deadlines because I can’t manage everything right. If only I was better organized. If only …" The list of my failures went on and on.

My self-pity was interrupted by another crisis that needed my attention, so I was forced to survive the day, moving from one problem to another, trying desperately to keep from falling further behind, but accomplishing very little.

As the day drew to a close, it became obvious that a couple of extra hours at work would be a really big help. There was just one problem. It was Bible study night. We hadn’t gotten together for study for weeks, due to illness and other problems among the members of the group. I knew that I desperately needed the fellowship. I just HAD to go.

It wasn’t easy to get away. I ended up working a little bit late. By the time I walked through the door at home, I had only 15 minutes to gulp down the dinner my husband had prepared before I had to leave for the Bible study. It was just long enough for him to tell me that our checking account was overdrawn. The discouragement I had felt all day grew deeper and was now accompanied by an extreme weariness. I wanted desperately to just go to bed. But somehow, I knew that I just couldn’t do that. I had to go to Bible study.

I kissed my son good-night, since he would be in bed when I returned, and walked out the door, feeling like I was letting my family down as much as I was my coworkers. The discouraging thoughts that had been waiting just beyond my consciousness throughout the day took advantage of the quiet time as I was driving to begin to hound me again. By the time I arrived at the home where the study would be held, I was more depressed than ever, and definitely did NOT want to be there!

The last time this group had been together, they had started a new study. I had missed that evening, because I had to work late, so I had not received the study guide. It was handed it to me now as I sat down, but I just didn’t feel interested enough to open it and browse through.

Finally, it was time to begin, and I opened the study guide up to the page indicated by the woman leading the study. I was abruptly jerked out of my indifference as my eyes fell on the title of tonight’s lesson: "Growing through Overwhelming Responsibilities". The text was Joshua 1:1-11; 5:13-6:5; and 23:1-16.

As one of the group members read the first eleven verses of Joshua 1 out loud, it was as if they were meant expressly for me for this moment.

"…As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor         forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:5-9)

"Be strong and courageous". "Be careful to obey all the law." "Meditate on it day and night." "Be careful to do everything written in it". "Do not be discouraged." "The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." The phrases swirled through my brain as I struggled to grasp at what it meant for my life. Suddenly it became so clear! Joshua had just been handed the job of leading the nation of Israel, and all the responsibilities that went with it. Yet it was not those responsibilities that God was instructing him about. Rather, God was telling Joshua that the one overriding responsibility that he had to concentrate on was to follow God -- to immerse himself in God’s words and to obey them. The rest would follow. Joshua was not alone. He didn’t have to do it all, or figure it all out. He only had to trust and to obey.

I thought of the weeks since my schedule had become so hectic. What had happened to my time with God? Exhaustion had taken over, and I had been skipping my daily devotional time so that I could sleep later or go to bed earlier. My prayers had ceased to be times of worshipful awe and listening for God’s will in my life. Instead, they had been short, clipped, "task-lists" for God, peppered with occasional pleas that I be able to retain my sanity through it all. I had not been "meditating" on God’s word day OR night – let alone day AND night!!! Was it any wonder that I had become discouraged?

In chapter 6, God gives Joshua instructions for taking the city of Jericho that seem impossible, even ludicrous. I can imagine that had I been in Joshua’s place, I would have been doing some planning on my own, even while "listening" to God. I can just hear myself saying "Ok God. If you want guys marching around the city playing music, we’ll have guys marching around the city playing music. But how about if at night, I send some guys in to chip away at the foundation of the wall or something – so that it will be sure to fall when we give that last shout!" But Joshua didn’t half-heartedly obey God while continuing to solve the problem on his own. He simply and immediately put his complete trust in the plan God had given him, and had obeyed – even in the face of all reason, logic, or any sort of battle tactics!! The mission, was of course, a success.

In chapter 23, Joshua is old and is instructing the leaders of Israel in how they should conduct affairs after his death. He assures them that as long as they obey God’s plan, they will be successful, but that if they go their own way instead, they will be doomed to failure.

As I thought about this, I realized that this applies to my life. If my goal, or focus in my life is to follow God, no matter what, I will succeed – because He will be caring for me. It may not be the life I would have chosen for myself if I were to do all of the planning, but the rewards will be so much more glorious than anything I could ever imagine!! Just think what would have happened if Joshua had not followed God’s plan, but had instead planned some brilliant battle strategy based on human wisdom. Even if he had been able to overcome Jericho, which is unlikely, he would NEVER have been able to witness God’s miraculous intervention in the lives of the Israelites! How often do we complain that we never see miracles in our lives, and yet how often do we entrust our lives so fully to God that a miracle can happen?? We are much too reliant on solving our problems via our own means. I left that evening with a new focus in my life. A focus that is centered around finding God’s plans for my life – not in fretting about the failures of my own plans.

I’m still behind at work. The deadlines are just as impossible. I had 20 more emails waiting for me this morning. The checking account is still overdrawn. But I feel strangely encouraged and revitalized. There IS hope. I will obey. God will provide.

Copyright © 2000 Jessica Wilkinson